Communication is one of the keys to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. And a core aspect of communication is understanding ourselves enough to know what our needs are, what our boundaries are, and what our desires are. Most people don’t know when their boundaries are being crossed because they don’t know what their boundaries are. When your boundaries are crossed, especially consistently, this leads to resentment, disempowerment, and anger, ultimately at yourself. You are upset not necessarily at your partner for crossing your boundary. Deep down you are actually upset at yourself, for not knowing yourself enough to understand what your needs, desires and boundaries are, and then for not standing up for yourself enough to get your boundaries honored.

So the first step is to first understand what your boundaries are, and then communicate those boundaries with your partner. The key however is that your boundary can be honored with or without them changing their actions and behaviors.

For example: “If you yell at me, I will remove myself from the conversation and I will speak to you in a few hours. I will be creating a space of sacred silence for both of us to calm down and regulate ourselves and then we can pick this conversation up from a regulated and mature manner.” You honoring your boundary does not require their participation. You can get your boundary honored whether they honor it or not.

The only way to get your boundaries honored is by you understanding what they are, and then deciding to honor them yourself first. And as a result you are inviting your partner to honor them as well. But if you don’t first understand what they are, and if you do not honor them yourself, your partner will never learn to honor your boundaries.

Boundaries teach the other person how to love you correctly.