Once safety is created, and then boundaries are communicated and honored, as best as you both can, the next step is to learn how to play once again. The kind of play you used to experience every single day in your childhood. We get so incredibly busy in our lives and we often have so many responsibilities that are unconsciously allow ourselves to forget how to play, not just with another, but with ourselves. And incorporating play back into your life, whether by yourself or with your partner, allows you to tap into that innocent state of childlike wonder and joy that we often lose in adulthood.

Many people have forgotten how to play, and thus their life and their relationships are devoid of joy. And joy is a necessary aspect of any healthy relationship as its through our joy and play that we are able to truly connect with someone on a heart to heart level. Without joy, without play, our life, our relationship, feels dull, boring, devoid of life, and empty. And when we do not practice playing, when we do not have joy in our lives, we cannot experience true intimacy with our partner. And then we wonder why “we never have sex anymore.” Because the precursors to sex, to true intimacy, to true sacred union, is first safety, second boundaries, third play, and once those are all established, then we are able to have true intimacy.