The foundation of every healthy relationship is your sense of safety. When you are with the right person, in a relationship or as friends, safety is the core element of that relationship. If you don’t feel safe around a person, a healthy relationship is impossible to experience. So one of the key objectives in any relationship is to ensure it’s a safe connection. Safe for you to be exactly who you are. Safe for you to feel secure, stable and at home with that person.

If you are around someone who doesn’t make you feel safe, that person is not a healthy person for you to be around. Maybe they are toxic, maybe they are dysfunctional. Maybe they live in chronic states of fear, scarcity, anxiety. Maybe they have mental health issues. But whatever it is they are dealing with, you can sense whether someone is a safe person or not as soon as you meet them. And when you are dealing with that type of person, no healthy relationship can be created.

So the only question you need to ask yourself is: “Do I feel safe around this person?” And if the answer is no, you either can decide to no longer be around that person any longer, or if that’s your partner, then both of you need to work on creating the foundation of safety between you two in order for your relationship to thrive.

What actions and behaviors are you doing that make your partner feel unsafe? What actions and behaviors are they doing that make you feel unsafe? Speak to your partner about these questions and open up a conversation to alter some of those actions and behaviors so that you are not chronically making your partner, or they are not chronically making you, feel unsafe, whether intentionally or not.