Time Management

The absolute most important thing for me in my life right now is being hyper efficient with my time. It’s absolutely imperative for me to be really efficient & productive with my working hours, so that in my leisure time I’m not also working. My previous way of being, pretty much my entire adult life, is to always somewhat be working. The working time & leisure time would bleed into one another, creating a miserable existence where I’m always working. But that’s not what successful people do. Successful people are hyper efficient & hyper effective with their hours. They become really good at working, and really good at relaxing. These are the traits of a hyper successful person, and these are test traits I must adopt too.

This requires the elimination of distractions, one of which is my phone. If I’m journaling, the phone should be off & put away. If I’m working, the phone should be off & put away. I do far more creative work on my computer than I do on my phone. It’s almost as if my phone is more of a consumption device whereas my computer is far more of a creative device. So it’s very important to be putting the phone away during work hours, and also turning off the phone past sundown at 6pm so that I spend that time just before bed reading, meditating, spending time with Sarah, etc. These are the things that matter most in my life, these are the shifts & changes I am making in my life right now. And I know, deep down that my life will be significantly transformed as a result. 

Pain, Vices & Healing

I have had pain throughout most of my life. Pain in my feet in particular. It felt like it all started after I dislocated my hip when I was 7 year old playing soccer. I did the splits trying to go for the ball and it popped my hip out, a very traumatic experience to say the least which led to a 7 week full body cast. And ever since then I have had feet pain. Knowing what I know now, that pain is mainly just stagnation and lack of blood flow. And to this day I have feet pain at the end of most of my days.

What I’ve generally done to combat this is take a vice like kratom, alcohol, snuss, etc to get away from the pain, but those things only make it worse and make me worse as a human being. After much experimentation with those external vices, I have slowly but surely come to realize that all of the answers to all of the my “problems” / questions will not be found in the external world, they will all be found within. 

So diving within, I have discovered that one of the reasons my feet hurt in the afternoons is because I am not giving them enough attention. When they hurt, that’s basically a sign that they are just calling out for help and desiring to be massaged or stretched. And thus this is what I’m going to do from this point forth. Instead of just going to bed with pain, the truly loving thing to do is spending the 10-15 minutes stretching & massaging my feet, calves, knees & hips at the end of every day. This loosens them up, increases the blood flow, and thus reduces the inflammation / pain.

Our bodies are masterpieces. They are highly intelligent, beyond what you could possibly imagine. Any ache, pain, illness, etc is just a sign to something deeper, a sign for something deeper. That’s just the symptom, it’s no the actual cause.

Trust me, after years of neglecting my body, after years of abandoning my lower body post the body cast, I’m well aware that strategy doesn’t work. We must bring love and attention to every area of one’s body in order for us to heal. 

Spiritual Discipline

For so long now I have not done things I didn’t want to do. I thought that this rebellious nature was to my benefit, but I’ve now realized it’s to my detriment. Because I would allow this rebellious nature to seep into areas of my life which in turn sabotage my development. When a kundalini yoga teacher tells me to do something, the rebellious nature, my self saboteur, my black dog, says fuck you I don’t want to do that. When I become my own authority and tell myself to get out of bed, my rebellious nature says no, and then doesn’t do it. I’ve been doing this my entire life, and it’s gotten me where it’s gotten me today, not listening to any authority figure, including myself, and often times listening and obeying what my smaller self says to do. This isn’t cool.

When I was going through my awakening, I would go to a bar for example, and my smaller self would say, “don’t go talk to THAT girl, she’s wayyyy too hot you could never get her” and I would hear my smaller self say that, and as a result of my smaller self saying that, I did the exact opposite of whatever that small voice said. 

Buying a Motorcycle in Bali

I believe I made a mistake purchasing my motorcycle. I should have just saved up and bought a super nice one. Don’t get me wrong mine is amazing however I wasn’t taking into consideration two huge factors, comfort & power. Mine is a 250cc Kawasaki Ninja custom rebuild into a cafe racer style which they call a scrambler here on the island. But it’s somewhat uncomfortable on long rides and its even more uncomfortable for Sarah riding behind me. And I didn’t realize this at the time, I wish I had. When you go up to a 400cc or a 600cc, the bike gets significantly more comfortable. In fact, most bikes that aren’t a fully custom rebuild / cafe racer are inherently more comfortable. My bike is built for looks, as opposed to power and comfort. And this is the fallacy behind the purchase. My ego wanted something, so it hopped on it, it looked amazing, and so I bought it. But I didn’t take into consideration the comfort, and the power. And I didn’t take into consideration Sarah. And although I wish I realized this before purchasing the bike, Sarah has a different perspective. And that is, she believes the bike is serving a part of me, teaching me a lesson, and that’s why she doesn’t regret it or think it should have been any different then the way it has turned out.

I just discovered a motorbike they have here on the island called a Kawasaki ER6N. It’s a 600cc and on Facebook marketplace I saw someone was selling it in Denpesar, so Sarah and I drove out there on my bike. When we arrived she told me her tailbone was hurting because it was such an uncomfortable ride. Then we saw the ER6N. It’s a beautiful bike in every way, and damn it’s loud when you turn it on! But I took it out for a test drive and Sarah jumped on the back, and as soon as she did she was in a seat orgasm. She was like “oh my God this is amazing” literally the entire time, with a smile on her face. We only drove it a few hundred meters before the rain started pouring so we turned around & drove it back. The bike is so powerful you could do a wheelie. In comparison I highly doubt I’d be able to even get the Ninja’s front tire to even slightly lift off the ground. And when we gave it back I knew that it wasn’t my bike, but I did love how comfortable it was, and how happy it made Sarah.

What I’m going to do is sell my bike, for 55 million rupiah, and use those funds to purchase a comfortable two seater bike that is either 400cc or 600cc. I guess I bought this bike because I thought I could resell it easily, but I also bought it from a place of lack / desiring security. During the initial purchase, I felt this unease that I didn’t have a bike, this sense of un-security, and so I purchased it. And yet a few months later this thing is the thing that’s now giving me un-security by now needing to sell it and going through that whole process.

The real lesson here is: whatever we think is going to bring us security, is the next thing that is going to bring us less security / safety. Much like when you have a problem, and you think the solution is the solution to that problem, but then that solution soon becomes your next problem. It’s this perpetual hunt, this perpetual search for “better” that causes us so much misery, so much discomfort, so much suffering. It’s the carrot that dangles in front of our noses and it’s always slightly out of reach, always. This “I’m never fully satisfied” feeling, which haunts us, incessantly. The truth is that what we are looking for, this sense of fulfillment, security, peace and happiness, doesn’t lie outside of us, it doesn’t lie out there, it lies within. All of your answers will not be found without, they will be found within.

11 Day Date and Lemon Detox

“You have to be a monster to stay alive” - Jordan Peterson

Spiritual self discipline is the key to almost everything you are doing. I’ve had a recent breakthrough in my life, where fruit fasting has never been easier, and detoxing has never been easier. It’s as if all I needed to do was pass through the eye of the needle, and I did that yesterday. Generally when I eat a full day of fruits I become so shaky, so disregulated that I thought I had to eat normal food to feel good again. It feels like I’m too lifted off the ground and I need a real meal in order to ground myself. And every time before yesterday, whenever I would have this feeling, I would eat a normal meal to help me feel regulated again. But yesterday, because I was on the detox, couldn’t do that. So I had to just sit with it. And so I just kept eating dates and then orange juice, and then dates again. And although during the mid day I was feeling disregulated & jittery, by the end of the day I was feeling tranquil and peaceful, almost like I was in a trance.

It’s almost as if I could have reached this point before but I never pushed myself through that stage, through that glass ceiling. And yesterday when I pushed through that, it was as if my adrenals & nervous system had a rewiring / reconfiguration. That’s ultimately what was going on, is my adrenals and nervous system were rebooting, that’s what causes the jittery feeling. So when I was feeling that way yesterday, I just continued calming myself & continued on my fast and by the end of the day I was fully regulated.

I’m doing this protocol to get my kidney’s functioning. But the real reason I’m doing it is to detoxify my mind body and soul. And something truly has shifted. I’m having realizations like I’ve never had before, and coming to understandings unlike I have before. 

Phone Addiction

I woke up at 5am this morning, and I went to bed at 8pm last night. I got plenty of sleep, and it feels fantastic. Mainly because I don’t feel like I’m behind immediately upon waking up, I feel in front of my day. What I’ve learned is that after the sun sets, the only thing I have been doing is watching Netflix or YouTube. But going to bed at 8pm forces me not to do that. I’ve realized that it’s the bad behaviors that are much more likely to happen at night, so just don’t give them time to manifest themselves and go to bed early, so that you can wake up early & start your day, do your morning practice, then get to work. 

The main thing I’ve been dealing with is sabotaging my sleep, by going to bed late and sleeping in past 6am. It’s been a terrible little pattern I’ve gotten myself into, but this morning, and every morning after is different. I will be going to bed early and not touching my phone after dark, then waking up at 5am & getting my day started. 

My phone is highly addicting, and if I can eliminate the need to check it or be on it, the better my life will be and the more productive I will be. I am most productive in the morning of the day, so the first thing I do every day, before doing anything else, is the one thing I. Need to do for that day. 

The Areas of My Life That Need Some Presence

In reading my previous journal articles since I started writing in mid 2019, I’ve discovered that there are several things that I have wanted to do but still haven’t yet implemented them. They mainly are: waking up early, not masturbating even if you’re not ejaculating meditating, doing a solid morning routine of breathing / stretching, working out consistently, calming the mind, living in the body not the mind, living in love not fear, minimizing distractions, harnessing presence / focus while working, harnessing presence while living life, improving my memory by being hyper present, and actualizing my work. These are really the only themes I have to work on in my life, everything else I’ve sorted out and I’m good with. So if I just focused on these things, I’d be amazing in life. I’d be the man I’ve wanted to be for some time now. So it’s time, just do it. 

One of the major things I discovered a few moments ago was how much I actually masturbate. Even if I’m not ejaculating, is till touch my penis when I wake up and before I go to bed. And this isn’t healthy. Imagine if I took that energy and directed it elsewhere. What if I stopped ejaculating for a long time? I’d have to stop masturbating for a long time too, cuz masturbating while doing semen retention is really difficult, the urge just becomes too much. So stop it, or at least minimize it.